Abbreviations key: TTC=trying to conceive, BFN/P=big fat negative/positive, IUI=intrauterine insemination (the kind with a catheter, not “turkey baster”), RE=reproductive endocrinologist, HSG=flushing out the fallopian tubes, a procedure we wouldn’t wish on anyone.
ROUND ONE (MamaUno)
April 2005 – Meet in Boston. Fall in love, etcetera.
August 2006 – Uno finishes her MSW. We make the Big Move for Deux’ grad program.
January 2009 – After three plus years living together and surviving our cross-country move, we get rings and have a big engaygement party.
March 2009 – We start to think, why spend money on a wedding when we could have a baby instead? Conversations go something like this. Uno: Why not this year? Deux: Ha, ha, very funny. Uno: Just think about it. Deux: This year? Uno: This year. (Eye contact over the table). Suddenly Deux says: Let’s do it. Uno: Really? Deux: Really.
March/April 2009 – Commence research. Known vs. unknown donor, open vs. anonymous, which bank, legal questions, doctor questions, you name it. We visit wonderful lesbian mama friends in California, who are also in their late twenties, and our plans start to solidify.
April 2009 – Consult at Impersonal Fertility Factory with Big White Doctor, who came recommended via another lesbian mom. He looks like Tom Selleck, a framed photo of him with George Bush Sr. hangs in the office, and he avoids saying “lesbian,” “gay,” “same-sex,” or even “homosexual” in favor of “people in your situation.” Nobody else in the waiting room seems remotely non-mainstream. Somehow, we are undeterred. Call it baby fever. Or maybe we’re seduced by the enormous, quasi-vaginal watercolors in the main hallway (sample titles: A Raging Flame and In The Garden. No joke).
We choose a bank, an identity release donor, fill out the paperwork, and agree to try 3 natural IUIs before switching things up.
May 2009 – First IUI. BFN.
June 2009 – Second IUI. BFN.
July 2009 – Third IUI. We find out our sample from first choice donor is not looking good. Argue with bank, get a free vial for next time. BFN.
July/August 2009 – We realize that going to Big White Doctor is soul-sucking. MamaUno feels ill even driving up to the building. The doctor doesn’t ask questions, is patronizing, always overbooks so that we’re waiting up to two hours for our appt. Those little swimmers were probably dying by the minute before we even got the IUI! Situation is untenable. We do more research and find Fabulous Ambiguously Gay RE. After our consult with him, life improves.
August 2009 – Deux’ brother passes away. She has to leave suddenly. Uno forges ahead before flying to join her. Fourth and fifth IUIs. BFN.
September 2009 – We switch sperm banks, fed up with our first choice. Start Clo.mid. Sixth and seventh IUIs. BFN.
October 2009 – Up the ante with Clo.mid, down to one IUI. BFN.
November 2009 – More Clo.mid, plus an HSG, trigger and injectables (Follistim, 150 mg x3). IUIs on cd 11 & 12. BFP!
December 2009 – First beta is 241, 15/16 dpo. Second beta, 18 dpo, is 541!
ROUND TWO (MamaDeux)
Line up 5 vials from otherwise sold out donor, sign up with big fertility clinic, get testing done…
April 2013 – IUI with Femara, trigger: BFN
April-August 2013 – Break to start new job, sign up for short-term disability in prep for maternity leave, save $, recalibrate
September 2013 – IUI with Femara, trigger shot: BFN
October 2013 – HSG, then IUI with Femara, trigger: BFP!
Holy sh%$. We lucked out. First and second betas strong. Heartbeat seen on u/s at 6.5 weeks, heard at 10.5 weeks. Due date: July 6, 2014.