My mind a jumble this morning. In no particular order:
-Ultrasound this Thursday. I am nervous, excited and impatient. Uno has taken to calling our newest member “Bean,” just as she did with Jaybird. It’s sweet. I think I might use Starling for a blog name. Get it? The bird theme? I’m feeling a little superstitious, though, and don’t want to commit until after the u/s. I still feel – mostly – normal, but the little one must be in there, cells multiplying away, because I have to pee all.the.time. And I am easily nauseated. It’s all so strange, precious and new, this reality. I wonder when it will settle in? We did go to a kids’ consignment store this weekend and buy a few tiny newborn things. Such a marvel, how very small they are.
-We’ve moved to a new building on the waterfront (my office, that is). The view is lovely, but the drive takes about 15 more minutes and there is no free parking anywhere. I’m worried that I won’t be able to keep picking up Jaybird after school. I cherish that ritual, but the train is so much cheaper than driving. Can’t believe the company isn’t willing to offset any parking costs. Sigh.
-We had two play dates and a long family visit and a shopping excursion this weekend, and Jaybird is such a trooper. The mall did make him a bit manic. To be fair, his moms were similarly dazed and confused in there. He continues to amaze me with his incredible social confidence. He roughhoused happily with my cousin’s husband, followed his buddies into some wild imaginative play and was mellow in the car. As an infant he was so hard to travel with. How far we’ve come!
-Disappointment is hard for the Jay right now (for me too, really). If he doesn’t get to have a treat he wanted, for example, or if, say, his friend jumps on the potty just as he was going for it, he erupts into fierce wailing. Then he buries his head against one of us and just howls. Poor guy. We’re working with him. Uno has a good trick in telling him to pretend to blow out the candles on a birthday cake. There’s a lot of this: “I only understand your words,” or, “When you calm down, we can talk about it.”
-Potty training waxes and wanes. He’s about 80% there. Sometimes, it seems that he just doesn’t CARE, you know? That part is hard. I know he’ll learn. I’m really tired of the accidents. Trying to stay patient and calm.
-Jaybird has been doing some (unpaid) modeling for my company, which he loves. He’s such a ham. He’s been in three times already, and they want to come back yet again this week! He gets to play with new toys, is fed snacks and gets plenty of attention, so he’s down. I find it so funny that we’re even doing it, but it is novel. He’s on the homepage today, in fact. I work for a company that sells children’s clothing (among many other kid- and mom-related items). Starts with a zu. You may know it? If so, check him out today. He’s the face of the boy’s apparel icon.
-One of his donor siblings, a little girl in LA, is a child actress and model. Her family just sort of fell into it because their daughter also loves it. Interesting, right? They do seem to share a certain temperament, those two (this based on photos and anecdotes; we’ve never met). Speaking of that, I showed Jaybird her photo the other day and said, “this is So-and-So. She has the same donor as you.” I don’t really know what language to use. I worry that “sister” is confusing. I do sometimes casually mention that he has a donor, that we had help to make him, because I’ve read it’s the best practice and I want to be transparent and honest. I want it to be a part of his narrative, something that seems natural and familiar to him. With donor siblings, it’s a little harder to know what to say. Yet I don’t want to remain silent and have it be a surprise at some future point.
-Three of our donor sib families are particularly active on Face.book and I have developed such immense affection for those kiddos. However we define or name the relationship, they are related to my son, and I love to see their photos and those smiles that remind me of him. I suppose that partly, it helps that we have things in common with the families – we’re all queer, liberal, somewhat irreverent and arts-oriented. I wonder what the future holds?
-Well, now I’m off to get some lunch in this new neighborhood of office buildings. It seems that I have to eat small amounts constantly. Also, I want to eat nothing but hamburgers.